Have you ever stopped to wonder
“Why the hell did I do that?
I saw this theme as I was perusing the various themes and it reminded me of times past when I thought of my self as an island, somewhat attractive but isolated. There seems to be no place to dock or flat area to land. In all a passive defensive rock. Much like the Simon and Garfunkel song “I am a Rock, I am an Island”. Growing up I was never invited to a party, except when a team wanted a baseball or basketball player. Then I was usually the first chosen. To identify me as shy was an misnomer, it went past that. I spent time on my own wandering through the woods, fishing, and reading. I was a rock, I was an island.
Oh, as the Brits say “Bugger it all.” The period from then to now is not very interesting. Work in community and military mental health. Death of a 4yo son, daughter born with ventricular septal defect. Wife of 42 years dead from pulmonary embolism. Retired from Army Civil Service. Married another 7 years, now legally separated. Three months alcohol rehab. Now living in Stockton, CA because I can’t afford a place near my daughter in Alameda, CA.
The exciting aspect is that right now I am 2 1/3 years sober, living independently, involved with a number of community focused activities…but still haven’t learned to dance.
Currently, I am living in my apartment for which I pay several hundred dollars more than its worth. I respect the distancing requirements of the COVID-19. However, I have been playing pickleball on an almost daily basis with one of my two best friends. Where is this going from here? Not sure. All I know at this juncture is that the progress that I have made is for the most part in abeyance..and I am sober.
More to come.